Weekly WINGS
Wisdom and Inspiration Nurturing Growth and Success
What do you think of first when you hear the word “power”?
Power is often associated with individuals who have the authority to control others, or someone with more physical strength who can subjugate by force or fear those who do not have as much strength to fight back.
In politics, we think of power as the ability to control and influence large groups of people as a result of democratic or dictatorial authority, popularity or persuasiveness, abundant economic and other resources, or even military strength.
In the media, our social, cultural and fictional references often glorify those with power; especially those who use violence to victimize the helpless, or comic book/movie heroes with super powers that make them invincible to the struggles that weak, ordinary humans are vulnerable to.
There is a different kind of power, though.
And though it might not be as externally obvious or as glorified in our popular culture, it can transform lives.
I call it Heart-Strong Power.
Heart-Strong Power is cultivated from a deep sense of internal peace and compassion, both for ourselves and for those around us.
It is the more subtle kind of power that comes from patient and calm connection, not forceful control or coercion.
So many parents and teachers come to me asking me “how do I get this child (to do a, b, c, or to stop doing x, y, z)?”
Here’s an important truth: Trying to “get” a child to do something or stop doing something is a losing battle.
It’s using our adult power of authority, emotional or physical dominance to coerce and control the weaker, more vulnerable child.
Unfortunately, it’s also the most popular kind of power used in families and schools today to enforce rules through punitive disciplinary practices.
Often adults think that traditional methods of manipulating children’s behaviors through punishments and rewards is the best and most effective way of gaining control and authority to change unwanted behaviors.
And…. it “works” to keep kids compliant, through fear. For the short term, anyway.
But these short-term results often result in long-term loss of connection and relationship as well as kids who don’t have any internal sense of their own power.
Instead of using power over a child to “get them to behave”, I believe deep in my bones from hard-earned, lived experience that it is ten thousand times more effective to approach a situation with Heart-Strong Power.
Through deep listening and thoughtful engagement, we are building reciprocity and trust within a relationship between two open and attuned hearts.
At HSI, Heart-Strong is a way of being with one another that is based on an acronym for the values that we teach parents and teachers to use in building co-regulation and relationship in their homes and classrooms:
H – Honesty
E – Empathy
A – Acceptance
R – Respect
T – Trust
S T R – Strengths-based Training for Resilience with
ONG – Optimistic Narratives of Growth
As the old saying goes, “Kids don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”
When we show our kids that we truly care for them, deeply, without conditions, even in their most awful and challenging moments of chaotic behaviors, that’s when the spark of real Heart-Strong Power can begin its transformative work.
And as we reflected last week, all of this is true for adults too.
Adults don’t want to be coerced and controlled any more than children do.
We all want to be valued and heard, so that we can build our own autonomy and freedom as individuals. And we find the power to make lasting personal change by tapping deeply into the desires, values, and beliefs inside our hearts.
In the Heart-Strong Power of a trusting relationship, it’s possible to have both personal freedom and a feeling of genuine care and compassion for others.
Empowering our children to tap into this gift of internal power for themselves and for their social and emotional growth is worth the effort it takes, even if it’s easier just to assert our authority in the short-term.
How we use power with our children today will result in the kind of power these children have access to as the adults who are in charge of our future world.
What kind of adults do we want to raise? Choose wisely.
Summer Reading Challenge
- Join the Summer Reading Challenge: Start or join a book club and sign up to be eligible to win prizes!
***CONGRATULATIONS to Terri-Lynn Herritt, one of our first ten to sign up for the Summer Reading Challenge who just won a Barnes and Noble gift certificate! More random prize drawings coming – sign up today!*** - Let us know what you’re reading! We will be giving out random prizes to those who are joining or leading book studies — be sure to throw your name in the hat!
- Want professional development credit? Take our NEW Book Study Course – earn 1 Graduate Credit per book!
Or take it to the next level and…. - Sign up for our HSI Certification Programs: Take our world-class programs, read 4 books, and earn up to 10 graduate credits!
HSI provides world-class Trauma-Informed Certifications programs for Trauma-Informed Specialists, Certified Parent Coaches, and Certified Educational Trainers. Download the brochure to learn more!
Scholarships: A limited number of partial scholarships are available to those with significant financial need. Download and the brochure, then hit “reply” for more information or to schedule a Zoom call.
hope this Weekly WINGS has been helpful to you!
Find ways to cultivate your Heart-Strong Power every day… and I’ll see you right here again next week!
