I put off starting this blog for a very long time. But now is the time to start.
Since the days before my child even came to live with me, I have been hanging out in adoption forums and Facebook communities where parents share tips, strategies, and stories about adoption and parenting their adopted children.
I have read amazing stories of courage and compassion from other parents in the trenches–Warrior Mamas and Papas fighting a daily battle to win their children’s minds and hearts from the ravages of early childhood trauma, abandonment, and abuse.
I have shared my stories in those forums, too.
Many families with adopted children are struggling. I have struggled. This is not an easy road at all, and we need to support each other.
It is so wonderful to find someone who truly understands how amazing and wonderful and terrible and scary and brutal and beautiful the job of parenting a wounded child can be.
Some of the kind people in those groups have lit a candle for me in my darkest, most terrifying moments as a mom. Some have them have celebrated for us as we overcame challenges that “typical” families will never have to face.
Over the past year, my kiddo has gone through a period of tremendous emotional growth, and his early childhood wounds are healing… ever so slowly. Each tiny step forward is a precious victory and brings with it an overwhelming feeling of thankfulness and relief. He has come SO very far!
Because things have been getting better, I’ve decided to limit my involvement in the online adoption parenting communities–mostly for selfish reasons.
Sometimes, I just can’t bear to see so many parents and kids suffering and dealing with all the pain and secondary trauma that comes along with parenting severely traumatized children. Most of the time, I really just don’t want to “go there” anymore.
However…
Last week, he had a setback – a pretty serious and scary episode. We came through it, but it took every bit of compassion, courage, and creative parenting that I could muster to find a way through a difficult day.
After the storm was over, I realized that we really have learned a lot as a family. He is learning how to “be” in a family and how to communicate his needs. I have learned how to navigate through the sometimes heart-racing adventure of post-traumatic parenthood. Life is so much better, and there is so much hope!
So… I felt compelled to go back down into the “cave of confusion” where we lived just a short year or two ago… those parenting forums where parents are sharing their struggles, fears, and deepest desires for connection with children who either don’t know how or don’t want to connect because they’ve been hurt before. I wanted to “pay it forward” in some little way… somehow share a nugget of wisdom that might help another struggling parent in despair the way I felt the first few years as an adoptive parent.
My story and ideas were received with so much more enthusiasm and positivity than I expected! I was asked many questions, and several parents thanked me for my help.
But it was still a little scary to be back in that cave again. The potential for overwhelm is ever-present there, and I need to keep up strong emotional boundaries to protect myself and my family.
So… I have decided that instead of going down into the “cave” where everyone is so scared and everything seems so overwhelming to me, I will set up my own little internet blog home where I can continue to share ideas, uplifting stories, thoughts, and musings about adoptive parenting.
The purpose of Adoption Roots and Wings, therefore, is to provide a SAFE and INSPIRING place of CREATIVITY, COURAGE, and COMPASSION for parents who really want to provide a safe and inspiring home of creativity, courage, and compassion for their children.
By giving our children the right support and encouragement, we can teach them to SOAR!
This blog is my attempt to share openly what works and doesn’t work for my family. Take what works for you, and ignore what doesn’t. Feel free to leave comments and offer suggestions — I just ask that we all continue to keep this place a very hopeful, optimistic, supportive, and inspiring community for parents who truly believe that they can make a difference in the lives of their children.
If what I share about here resonates with you, please enter your information below and join my mailing list so that we can keep in touch.
I believe what Maya Angelou said: “When you know better, you do better.” No adoptive parent is perfect — I certainly have made many mistakes. But I am always striving to do better and to stay hopeful and optimistic. I believe this has served my family well.
Thanks for joining me, and I look forward to creating community here with you!